Diwali and my inner light

Lately I've been acutely aware of my inner light, enjoying its warmth and glow when it's shining bright, and feeling a sense of heaviness and frustration when it's dimmer than I'd like it to be. Life is pretty amazing right now, as far as its filled with workshops, classes, trainings, conversations, and teachings which keep me in a constant state of contemplation and joy. In a yoga studio, on my mat, or with my teachers, my whole heart and body seem to burn with this light and I'm graced with this sense that everything is right in my world. A challenging class or a tough pranayama practice? That's the easy part. The challenge is to maintain that glow when I transition back to my daily responsibilities, back to my office, back to "real life". For a while it felt manageable, I knew that inside something was changing and everything around me just seemed to pause as this seed of transformation was planted and nurtured. And now, as I feel things getting BETTER and BETTER and as my heart opens up more and more to new possibilities, new ideas, and new practices, participation in the "real life" part of my days seems to coincide with a slightly dimmer light. Sometimes it feels like I'm just playing the role of the person that people expect me to be, externally stuck in this role that I've internally shed somewhere along the way. Funny how sometimes when we move through periods of transformation and spiritual, physical, or emotional growth we tend to also have growing pains, and we become much more aware of where we need a little more love and focus in our lives. My reiki teacher told me that I am meant to be exactly where I am right now and that when my light is no longer needed there, then I will be allowed to move on. So now I must practice patience. I must nurture my light and stay connected with it while the kinks of the transformation process are worked out.

In thinking about the idea of inner light, I came across an article on Diwali (The Festival of Lights) on www.spiritualityandpractice.com. Coinciding with the start of the new year, Diwali is, amongst other things, a time when we are encouraged to look inward, to find our truth, to evaluate thoughts, words, actions, to better understand any negative behaviors. It's a time to reflect on how we can "shine our light out into the world." According to Mahatma Gandhi, Diwali reminds us to "be the change you want to see in the world." Well, why wait until the New Year? I think I'll start right now. To celebrate this day and to begin this process of spiritual change, we are given a Vedic chant to recite:

Om Asato Ma Sad Gamaya
Tamaso Ma Jyotir Gamaya
Mrityor Ma Amritam Gamaya
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

Lead us from untruth to truth
From darkness to light
From death to immortality
Om Peace Peace Peace

I continue to seek my own truth, to listen to my self, to allow my light to shine brighter, stronger, further, and MORE. And I want to see millions of other bright lights walking with me, our lights merging and growing together to create one gigantic burning light in this world. Spreading the ideas of truth, of presence, of simply being, and of taking this life one moment at a time, one breath at a time.

So, for now, I cherish everything. I continue to fulfill my role, trusting that this is where I am meant to be at the moment. Taking the time to check in with my truth, to re-evaluate often, and to recharge that light when it tires and dims so that I can share it with those who are seeking it and with those who may not even know that such a thing exists. For them, I will shine brighter.